Your loved one (parent, aunt, maybe you) is probably not a hoarder, even if they look like every other room. As of 2015, about 15 million Americans are considered seniors, older than 50, without a spouse, partner, or children. There are many people who play solo every day. In fact, you may grow old alone.
Paul, Carol, and Val (names have been changed) all have a story to tell about getting older and getting help planning.
Hoarding disorder is a mental health problem that can occur at any age. Help and treatment are available for what is also called chronic disorganization. Not all cluttered rooms mean that the owner of the house has a hoarding disorder. But as we get older, it’s not unusual to see a home or apartment become overcrowded and sometimes fall into disrepair. If that happens, look beyond the clutter for basic reasons to find solutions for solo travelers.
It is Inertia, not Hoarding
Paul’s sister called us for help with planning. He and another brother lived outside. They thought that Paul, who was in his 70s, and who was traveling on his own, might need some help to clean up his house.
We met Paul, a healthy, independent man living in a two-story garage. There were piles of dust everywhere and the guest room was full of empty boxes.
We learned that Paul was very happy to have help fixing things. But of course he could see him going up and down the strangely constructed stairs. Not only did she not have to worry about the wonky stairs, but we had to worry about three different steps to get in and around the house. Although he was used to them, they were easily tripped up. The last straw was a wasp attack that she was afraid to tell her landlord about.
Paul had given up on computers, and was frustrated with everything else. He actually enjoyed getting rid of things and said, “I’m impressed with what we’ve done. I can’t see it. It’s so hard to have all that clutter. It’s nice to let it go.”
When we told him about a nice apartment building nearby, he moved in over the weekend. “Wonderful food” won him over. He was tired of eating cereal for every meal.
He thought it might take six months or more to clear his house, but we allowed him to settle in about three days. We asked a mover to remove broken furniture, piles of phone books, empty boxes, and everything else he didn’t need in his new place.
Now I visit Paul in his new place. He didn’t want the hassle of a computer, but he enjoys meeting his sister and brother via video on his iPad. Everyone in his new apartment greets him in the halls; I think he is the mayor of the building. He participates in a home Bible study group. You can get help by coming to see a doctor.
He starts by taking down and ends up moving easily, he is no longer stuck because of the flat situation that was working against him.
Memory Loss, not Accumulation
Carol’s great-nephew contacted me after she and her brother received a tip that their aunt’s memory might be fading. They visited him and found that his house was no longer safe, so full of clutter that it was difficult to walk in the rooms or see the floor. The kitchen sink was never going to work. There was dust on everything. The house was not safe according to his niece.
By the time our editorial team arrived, the family had cleared the clutter from the first floor. We had the privilege of working with Carol on her clothing and personal items upstairs.
He was very happy to take his clothes with us. She made decisions easily and loved to “find” some beautiful “new” clothes, many with the tags still on. She was happy, and we laughed together as we sorted through decades of clothing, many with memories or stories.
She donated five contractor bags of clothing (about 250 items), and now enjoys easily putting together beautiful work clothes.
Although his memory seemed fine during our morning sessions, we found that he was often forgetful and tired in the evenings. This phenomenon is called “sunset” and explains why the house falls into disrepair over time. A person growing up alone may not have the physical strength or mental space to take care of the house or its contents at the end of the day.
Her family is getting medical tests to see how they can help Carol with memory and strength. Carol should be able to stay in her home for a long time, but a person who travels alone does not have to travel alone. He will have regular scheduling appointments and other support, such as a craftsman and his family who come in by phone and video.
Vision Loss or Hearing Loss, not Accumulation
It’s hard to plan something you can’t see. It’s hard to work with what you can’t hear and don’t understand.
Shockingly, a large number of dementia cases are considered completely preventable with hearing aids and vision correction. World health organizations report that approximately 10% (or more) of dementia cases are caused by hearing loss and vision loss, risk factors that are easily controlled. There are 14 risk factors that can be avoided, including:
- Make hearing aids available to all who are hard of hearing and reduce exposure to harmful noise.
- Make eye damage screening and treatment accessible to all.
When the eyes and ears send incomplete or incomplete messages to the brain, the brain tries to compensate. You probably misheard the phrase, but then you quickly realized that “Pastor Blue Jeans” really “wore blue jeans forever”. Imagine having that experience all day. Research shows that with hearing and vision loss, neurons no longer communicate properly, leading to an increased risk of dementia.
Unfortunately, by the time we were called to evacuate Val’s home, she had already experienced the triple threat of aging: a major medical event (a single car accident), partial vision loss, and a deteriorating health from living alone at home. Although technically not a solo traveler as her children visited every week, she eventually needed more day-to-day support.
As we removed her belongings, we saw signs that she was unable to keep up with her home or personal care. He once enjoyed collectibles and antiques, but his belongings were neglected, rotting and damaged by insects. The things he loved and hoped to pass on to someone else were in such bad shape that his family immediately threw them all away.
Loss of sight and hearing is an illusion because a person who grew up alone may not notice the gradual decline. Many people feel embarrassed and do not seek treatment, or they may feel unable to pay for treatment when vision and hearing are not covered by health insurance. But new findings show that the health of the eyes and ears directly affects the health of the brain. “Researchers suggest that treating deafness may delay, or even prevent, dementia in a large number of older adults.”
Don’t complain about getting old. It is a privilege denied to many. – Mark Twain
If It’s Not Hoarding, How To Get Help For Aging Alone
You may find it difficult to bring up a difficult conversation with your loved one, but, as in these three stories, they would greatly appreciate your help. Often, they don’t realize they need help, they don’t know who to ask for help, and they don’t even know help is available.
A professional editor is a resource you didn’t know you needed. At my company, we provide hands-on, problem-solving solutions. We help with the paperwork. We can also link you to other resources like the ones below. And we can give the family a clear idea of what happens during the “off” days.
If you are in the Southeastern Pennsylvania area, please contact us by phone for a free consultation.
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Contact your county office on aging for additional resources such as transportation, meals, social gatherings for singles, and local resources. They can also connect you to a local senior center in your area, where people can get free and low-cost help with forms and essential services like lunch.
Ask neighbors for a handyman, painter, garbage hauler, landscape painter, pest control company, and other trades to help keep the house safe.
A house cleaner can help. Even people who have never hired a cleaning service before may need help with dusting, cleaning, laundry, and dishes when they are no longer able to do it. At some point, having another clean person not only conserves precious energy, but can also help keep a person safe from falls, allergies, and pests.
Contact your local library for technical support. They often have advanced support days or classes that people can learn using an iPad or smartphone.